Playing Doctor
by erinlin
Summary: After spending a long time sulking by the well, Inuyasha catches a cold. Miroku, Sango and Shippo franticly try and cure him before Kagome’s return. But will they help him, or kill him?


Miroku stepped back and examined his handiwork. "I've got a bad feeling about this."  
  
"Don't look at me," said, Shippo "kidnapping him was your idea."  
  
"Murrrh Mublidlh Mrrrrrrr!" growled Inuyasha around the rag stuffed in his mouth.  
  
"Don't look at us like that," scolded Sango. "It's for your own good."  
  
It was wintertime. This meant icy winds, snowstorms and, most dreaded of all, winter exams. Kagome had gone back to her own time to write her week- long finals. She had insisted Inuyasha get some rest while she was gone, because it looked like he had the beginnings of a cold. He, of course, took this personally. They argued, and Kagome had left in a huff.  
  
Inuyasha had spent the last three days beside the well, rooted to the spot, waiting for Kagome to return. Waiting, in sleet, snow and freezing rain.  
  
This put Sango, Miroku and Shippo in a nasty spot. Now Inuyasha definitely had a cold, and if Kagome came back to find him like this, heads would roll.  
  
So they had done the only thing they could do. They kidnapped him.  
  
Which is how Inuyasha came to be tied up, spread-eagle, on the floor of Kyadea's hut. (Kyadea was, mercifully, out of town.)  
  
Inuyasha did not look good. His face was flushed and damp with sweat. His eyes were glassy and dull. And the black eye didn't help much either.  
  
"All right," said Sango, "he's inside and tied to the floor. Now what do we do?"  
  
Miroku began to pace. "Hummm," he said, "there is an old folk remedy they used at the monastery, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is."  
  
"Great," said Sango, "Maybe we should have thought of this before we knocked him unconscious and dragged him in here."  
  
"I know!" said Shippo. He dove into the kitchen area and surfaced with a packet of mustard seeds.  
  
"We feed him mustard?" guessed Sango  
  
"No," replied Shippo, "when I was sick, my mom always put a hot mustard plaster on my chest." Miroku snapped his fingers. "Ah, yes mustard plaster! Good for colds and fevers. Lets try that."  
  
***  
  
Five minutes later, the gang approached the sleeping Inuyasha. Miroku held the plaster carefully by its edges.  
  
"He looks so peaceful asleep," said Sango, "maybe we should just leave him?"  
  
"We'll just slip it on," Miroku said with confidence "He won't wake up."  
  
Sango opened the front of Inuyasha's shirt. Shippo examined the underside of the smoking plaster.  
  
"Miroku?" he asked, "Isn't that plaster a little hot?"  
  
"I'm sure it's fine." said Miroku, and dumped it on.  
  
The reaction was instant.  
  
Inuyasha's eyes flew open. "MURRRRPH!" he screamed against his gag.  
  
The gang looked on doubtfully as Inuyasha thrashed on the floor, howling and sneezing and looking generally uncomfortable. A slight burning smell filled the air.  
  
"Ummm, is it supposed to do that?" asked Shippo.  
  
Miroku scratched his head. "I... don't... know." He said finally.  
  
"What?" squeaked Shippo "I though you knew how it worked?"  
  
"I said I knew of it." countered Miroku. "You should know how it works; this was your idea."  
  
"Will you to stop arguing and take it off? You're hurting him!" yelled Sango. She reached forward and ripped the burning plaster off.  
  
Inuyasha's howls slid into a groan. His eyes rolled into his head as he slumped to the ground. The gang could see he now sported a large, square burn on his chest.  
  
Miroku coughed. "Yes, well, he's sleeping like a baby again. No harm done."  
  
Sango turned on him. "No harm done?! You almost burnt his chest off, you numbskull! We are supposed to be helping! Giving someone third-degree burns is the opposite of helping!  
  
"Well, I don't see you coming up with a better idea." Miroku snipped.  
  
Sango threw the offending plaster into a corner and bit her thumbnail. "Give me a minute" she said.  
  
"Kagome's going to kill us" moaned Shippo, his head in his hands.  
  
"No she's not," Said Sango, firmly. "let me think."  
  
Inuyasha sneezed.  
  
Sango snapped her finger. "That's it!" she exclaimed, "We'll vaporize him!"  
  
"What?" asked Miroku and Shippo.  
  
"Vaporise him." said Sango, as if it were obvious. "I'll show you. Shippo, hand me that charcoal brazier. Miroku, fill that pot with water. And we'll also need a chair, some tacks and a blanket."  
  
When everything was assembled, Sango began to explain.  
  
"You put the chair over his head and draped the blanket over it to make a little tent, see?" She adjusted the blanket, and put the charcoal brazier next to Inuyasha's head.  
  
"Now put the pot over the coals, and when the water's heated, throw in the herbs." Sango threw a handful of dried greenery into the bubbling water. Thick steam rose from the pot.  
  
"See?" Sango said, "Inuyasha will breath in the vapours, and they will clear his congestion and make him feel better."  
  
Shippo and Miroku nodded.  
  
"That could work." admitted Miroku.  
  
"It will work." said Sango. "Now help me tack down the edges, we don't want any of the vapours to escape.  
  
Inuyasha's sneezing intensified, but then subsided. Soon there wasn't a sound coming from under the blanket.  
  
"It did work." said Miroku, surprised.  
  
"What did I tell you?" said Sango. "Shippo, you're the smallest. Go look under the blanket and see how he's doing.  
  
Shippo poked his head under the blanket. He immediately pulled it out again. "Umm, Sango? Inuyasha's kind of...blue. That's not a happy colour, is it?"  
  
"WHAT?!" shrieked Sango. She ripped the blanket off.  
  
Inuyasha was very still. His lips were an unhealthy blue.  
  
"Oh, noooo!" moaned Sango. She began franticly fanning him, blowing a large quantity of spicy smelling steam right in his face. Inuyasha sneezed loudly and tried to cough. But he couldn't because of the gag, so he started to choke.  
  
Sango panicked. She couldn't reach his back, so she did the next best thing. She pounded on his chest.  
  
Right on the burn.  
  
"AAARG!" screamed Inuyasha, arching his back in pain. Sango jerked back her hands. Inuyasha's screams tapered off into a whimper. He curled up the best he could with his arms tied away from his sides. Then he opened his eyes and looked right at Sango.  
  
His eyes were bloodshot and very, very angry.  
  
Sango backed away and stood beside Miroku. "At least he stopped choking" she said, sheepish.  
  
"Maybe we should just check Lady Kyedeas's medicine chest." offered Shippo  
  
"Yes," agreed Miroku, "Maybe that's what we should have done in the first place."  
  
The three of them pulled the heavy wooden chest out of the corner and began to rummage around in it.  
  
"Plasters?" muttered Sango, "not likely. Splints? No. Cough syrup? That might help."  
  
Shippo uncorked a squat brown bottle and took a sniff. "UUUG." He said, wrinkling his noise. "Well, something that smells that bad has to be good for something."  
  
"AH-HA!" exclaimed Miroku, "that's it!"  
  
"What?" chorused Sango and Shippo.  
  
"Ear candles!" He exclaimed, "That's what I've been trying to remember. We used them all the time at the monastery."  
  
He showed them two oddly made candles. The candles seemed to be strips of cloth wrapped into long, hollow cones and covered in bees wax.  
  
"What do you do with them?" asked Sango  
  
"You stick the pointy part is his ear. Then you light them."  
  
"Wait." said Shippo, "You're going to stick lit candles in Inuyasha's ears?"  
  
"Yes." said Miroku.  
  
"After what's just happened, that doesn't sound like a good idea."  
  
"After what's just happened, Inuyasha needs a remedy more then ever. Besides," Miroku continued, "I know how to use these. Trust me."  
  
"Well, alright." said Sango, "I don't think we have much of a choice."  
  
The three of them approached Inuyasha. He looked back at them with sheer terror.  
  
"I've got a bad feeling about this." said Shippo  
  
But Miroku ploughed ahead. "Now, Inuyasha," he said. "We are going to stick these candles in your ear. It is very important for you not to move, or you will get burnt. Do you understand?"  
  
Inuyasha began growl and shake his head.  
  
Miroku sighed. "Alright, Inuyasha, but you are only doing this to yourself. Sango, hold his head."  
  
Sango reached over and held Inuyasha's head still. Inuyasha growled and twitched in a vain effort to free himself. But Sango was too strong, and he was too weak. Finally, he stopped twitched and just growled at her, murder in his eyes.  
  
"He's going to kill us when this is all over." said Sango, nervously.  
  
"He'll thank us." said Miroku. "Trust me."  
  
Carefully, but firmly, Miroku jammed the candles into Inuyasha's ears. Then he took a burning split from the fire and lit them. The wicks caught. Everyone held their breath.  
  
But nothing happened.  
  
"There," said Miroku, softly, "No problem. Now we just have to keep his head very still until the candles have burnt themselves down."  
  
Sango relaxed her grip. The three of them watched with bated breath as the candles burnt lower and lower. In fact-  
  
"Miroku?" asked Sango, "Isn't that one flame getting awfully close to Inuyasha's e-"  
  
"MIRRRRPH" yelped Inuyasha, as the flames licked at his ear. He jerked his hand out of Sango's gip. The candle's went flying!  
  
"AHH! Grab them!" yelled Miroku.  
  
Shippo reached out and caught one in mid-air. "I've got it!" he cried.  
  
Sango and Miroku both snatched at the other candle.  
  
"Watch out!" yelled Sango. She and Miroku got in each other's way. They could only watch helplessly and the other candle soared through the air, bounced off the wall, and came back.  
  
Landing in Inuyasha's hair.  
  
"RRRMPH!" yelped Inuyasha, thrashing his head back and forth, trying to dislodge the candle. But this only spread the fire.  
  
Miroku and Sango were still helplessly tangled up on the floor. Shippo extinguished the candle he was holding. He franticly looked around for some water.  
  
"Ah-ha!" he cried, seizing a large bamboo container. He flung the contents at Inuyasha' burning head.  
  
"No! Stop!" cried Miroku, "That's alcohol!"  
  
To late.  
  
FHOOOOM!  
  
The very air seemed to burst into flames! The alcohol spread the fire everywhere!  
  
"AHHH!" holler Sango, "Put it out! Put it out!"  
  
The pain cleared Inuyasha's head. He had had enough. Luckily, the fire weakened the ropes holding him down.  
  
SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!  
  
Inuyasha tore himself free.  
  
"Oh- no!" cried Miroku, "He's lose!"  
  
Inuyasha dove out the window, straight into a snow bank. He sighed. The snow extinguished the fire and soothed his burns. The fog of sickness began to creep in again. He weakly pulled off the gag. Where was he going to go to get away from these people?  
  
Sango appeared in the doorway. "Don't worry, Inuyasha! We'll dig you out!"  
  
"NO!" gasped Inuyasha, "stay away from me!"  
  
He stumbled out of the snow bank and limped away.  
  
**** Kagome was sitting at her desk, studying. Suddenly, she heard a scratching noise at her window.  
  
I wonder what that could be? She thought, as she opened it.  
  
In tumbled a very singed Inuyasha.  
  
Kagome gasped, "what happened to you?"  
  
Inuyasha coughed weakly, and whispered, "All right. Maybe I do have a cold." His eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed.  
  
"Silly puppy," said Kagome, as she hauled him up on the bed, "I told you so." 


End file.
